December 16, 2010

25 days.

Why do I always write when Pin is in 'seizure-mode' (or in this case almost 'seizure-mode')? She woke up not totally acting like herself (she is teething) and her body wanted to have a seizure, but didn't. I am on-edge now and will be anxious all day. I have her door cracked as I fold the laundry outside her room watching her sleep. I have canceled all plans, showered but not 'gotten ready' and am eating for the first time right now- croutons and a piece of string cheese (which I am now unable to locate). I am freaking out and holding my breath at the same time.

You see, today is day 25 of NO seizures- her longest stretch ever. She is getting better. So are we. We have hope, we see change and can't wait to turn our 'mental' calendar to another year. But, I am nervous. I want day 25 to turn into day NEVER AGAIN. I don't want to be disappointed.

As I sat watching her I heard a gentle reminder, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7). Then a call came in- a friend's dad has cancer and then I got a text- the son of a friend is dealing with major health issues and things have taken a terrible turn for the worse. Many heavy hearts today and people facing difficult times and yet the Lord longs to take our anxiety. How does He do it? Why does He do it? I don't understand, but He can have it. He can have the anxiety I feel about her physical development, her future, the nervous feelings I get when I drive with Pin alone and all the rest. So, what do I do? Trust Him. For everything that concerns me today. And tomorrow.

I'm trying.

(I looked down and my croutons were all gone. I still can't find my cheese. Maybe I ate it.)


  1. Shalom, Steph. The comfort Jesus gives is the comfort in knowing that he suffers WITH us. Praying for you all. XO Jen

  2. Pin's got her head up in this picture!!!! How wonderful! Still praying, hoping, you three so much.

  3. Ephesians 3:14-21 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

    Much love and continued prayers from the pack!

  4. Steph, I am praying that He would give you peace. I am praying for your little girl!

    Lots of love from Estonia,