December 16, 2010
Why do I always write when Pin is in 'seizure-mode' (or in this case almost 'seizure-mode')? She woke up not totally acting like herself (she is teething) and her body wanted to have a seizure, but didn't. I am on-edge now and will be anxious all day. I have her door cracked as I fold the laundry outside her room watching her sleep. I have canceled all plans, showered but not 'gotten ready' and am eating for the first time right now- croutons and a piece of string cheese (which I am now unable to locate). I am freaking out and holding my breath at the same time.
You see, today is day 25 of NO seizures- her longest stretch ever. She is getting better. So are we. We have hope, we see change and can't wait to turn our 'mental' calendar to another year. But, I am nervous. I want day 25 to turn into day NEVER AGAIN. I don't want to be disappointed.
As I sat watching her I heard a gentle reminder, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7). Then a call came in- a friend's dad has cancer and then I got a text- the son of a friend is dealing with major health issues and things have taken a terrible turn for the worse. Many heavy hearts today and people facing difficult times and yet the Lord longs to take our anxiety. How does He do it? Why does He do it? I don't understand, but He can have it. He can have the anxiety I feel about her physical development, her future, the nervous feelings I get when I drive with Pin alone and all the rest. So, what do I do? Trust Him. For everything that concerns me today. And tomorrow.
(I looked down and my croutons were all gone. I still can't find my cheese. Maybe I ate it.)